By E. Eileen Cassie
"Forgiveness is almost a selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives." Lawana Blackwell
For many of us, December marks the holiday season - Hanukkah, Christmas, Yule, or Kwanzaa. We often struggle over which gifts to give. This year, I suggest giving yourself and others the ultimate gift -- forgiveness.
Maybe there is an old friend with whom you had a disagreement and the two of you drifted apart. Now that some time has passed, was what you disagreed about really important? Do you miss your friend? Then pick up the phone and call! Life is too precious to waste one moment on petty disagreements.
Holiday family gatherings are frequently a hotbed of tension and unresolved issues. Starting right now, forgive your family members for their mistakes, misdeeds, ill-spoken words, etc. No matter how painful, whatever was done in the past is done. No matter how much you dwell on the past, it cannot be changed. What you can change is the future. You cannot control the words or deeds of others; however, you can control how those those words or deeds impact your life.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing another's actions. And, depending on the circumstances, it may not include a reconciliation with the other party. However, by forgiving others their transgressions, you free yourself from the hold that others have on your thoughts, your actions, and your life. Never again will your relationships, actions, and interactions be tainted by ghosts of the past and the actions of others.
Sometimes it helps to write a letter to the other person. This is not a letter that you will actually mail to the other person, but it will give you the opportunity to set forth--with specificity, honesty, and clarity--the things that you feel this person has done. Then forgive them, never again allowing them to have power in your life.
Self-forgiveness is also important. If you have caused another person pain, don't make excuses -- be honest about what you have done. If you have the opportunity to apologize and make amends, do it. Then forgive yourself, and make a real, concentrated effort to modify the behavior and/or thinking that has caused others pain.
Forgiveness is not easy. However, the healing and empowerment that come from forgiveness make it worth the work. Nothing can compare with the feeling you will have when you take back your life.
E. Eileen Cassie is a writer and contributor to the spiritual growth website, A Woman's Journey - http://www.awomansjourney.com.
